Panic
by MrsEm
Summary: "I don't know how much you know about the 'Chrysalis Project'…" McCoy started but stopped when Clementine held up her hand. "I know everything," she answered quietly. "Let me try this a different way, the process they used involved the introduction of seven distinct improvements to the basic human genotype, I'm suggesting we introduce a variation of only one for you."
1. Chapter 1

**Two Weeks Later - 2263**

"There's no way that's true!" Chris Elson shouted across the table whilst shaking his head violently.

"I'm telling you it's true, Kelly told me." Olakunle Oyesile fervently answered.

"She did not!" The dismissive wave of Chris' hand in front of his face made Olakunle laugh, leaning back he wrapped his arm round Adam's chair.

"She did! Kelly, tell him you told me!" Olakunle pleaded, Clementine Kelly shook her head at the two men.

"I told him Chris." Clementine confirmed as she picked up her food tray and pushed out her chair as she stood.

"But how do you even know?!" Chris looked at her incredulously and then continued to argue with the other two men. Olakunle gathered his own tray in his hands and stood, glancing at Kelly, instantly spotting that she was sweating and holding her chest like she couldn't breathe.

"Kelly?" He tried to get her attention. "Chris!" Chris instantly looked from Olakunle to Clementine.

"Kelly? Are you alright?" He asked gaining the attention of Adam Sailing who was also sat at the table. Putting her tray back down on the table her hands blindly tried to grab something to hold on to. Clementine felt like there wasn't enough air in the room, spots of light were dancing in front of her and she watched as the room capsized.

"Kelly!" All three men were up and hovering over her in an instant but it was Chris who was right next her.

"What the hell?!" Adam yelled, wincing when he saw that she'd caught her head on the table on the way down and was now sporting a rather nasty gash.

"She does this." Olakunle explained as he tucked his arms under her shoulders and heaved her up.

"Does what?" Adam asked giving him a hand by putting his arm round her waist.

"Pass out." Olakunle jutted his head towards Chris who being the biggest out of the lot of them took her from them and began carrying her out of the mess. Adam and Olakunle followed after, watching Clementine's head bob and swing.

"Kelly suffers from Panic disorder." Olakunle explained to Adam as they swiftly walked behind.

"Panic attacks?"

"Panic attacks that are recurrent, it's genetic, her Mother suffered from it." Adam made an 'O' with his mouth as he listened.

"That's kind of not ideal, don't you think, when you work on a Starship?" The other two men started laughing nervously at Adam's observation.

"Don't you ever let her hear you say that Sailing! You hear me?" Chris shouted over his shoulder as he walked in to the Medical bay. "Doc!" He shouted catching McCoy's attention who was stood on the other side of the bay. Chris set Clementine down on one of the beds and the three men stood around her. "She hit her head this time Doc." Chris said to McCoy who was now stood by the bed, Adam noting that from the way the CMO greeted Chris and looked at Clementine this certainly wasn't the first time they had paid him a visit.

"Alright Elson, I'll take it from here." McCoy started waving various pieces of apparatus over Clementine's head, when he noticed that Chris, Olakunle and Adam were still stood at the foot of her bed he exhaled loudly. "Will you get out of my damned medical bay, you're cluttering the place up!" He shouted at them.

"Always a pleasure Doc," Chris replied belligerently, he'd never liked the CMO's attitude. McCoy stared him down until the three men reluctantly left leaving McCoy shaking his head at Clementine who had started to come to.

"Easy now, easy." He reassured her as she blearily opened her eyes and started putting the pieces together. When she saw McCoy she knew she was in the Med bay, the sterile white ceiling and walls always a dead giveaway.

"Bloody hell!" She exclaimed exhaustively, McCoy smirked at her as he finished healing the cut on her forehead.

"Where were you?" McCoy asked her.

"In the mess." She watched him as he waved the dermal regenerator over her head a couple more times. "I hit my head?" She asked.

"You did indeed."

"Bloody hell!" Clementine closed her eyes and shook her head, it had been a few months since the last time she'd suffered an attack and she'd been actively working on stopping herself from worrying about having another. "Please don't put this in my file." She asked suddenly, looking back up at him, he caught her eye but looked away.

"You know I can't do that." He answered asking her to sit up, she tightened her jaw and waited until he'd administered whatever hyposprays he'd wanted to administer.

"Doctor McCoy, you know I can't have another incident in my file, if I do they'll take me off this ship. Look, I'm fine. I got myself to the Medical bay…" She was panicking, her hands gesturing frantically.

"The hell you did! Elson, Oyesile and some other poor soul brought you in!" McCoy gestured wildly himself.

"Sailing?" She asked throwing him off his train of thought.

"How the hell should I know and I don't even damned well care!" McCoy threw his tricorder down on the table next to him in frustration. "I'm sorry Clem but…"

"Change my medication!" She interrupted.

"I can't, you know there aren't any other medications I can offer!" He looked at her sympathetically, patting her arm softly.

"The meditation techniques are helping that Commander Spock suggested, I'll do more of that!" She could feel her throat getting tight and her eyes were stinging. She wasn't the type to show her emotions openly, so she fought against the feelings that were beginning to boil over. McCoy was still shaking his head, his arms crossed and his feet planted firmly on the floor. "I'm asking you for a favour." She whispered to him, McCoy looked into her reddened green eyes, her cheeks and nose were flushed pink and she was biting her bottom lip.

"Do you know what set it off this time?" He asked, not wanting to give her any sense of hope but not wanting to be the one who took everything away from her either. Clementine thought about his question, she knew it was coming and all she wanted to do in the world was lie right then and there. Tell him a reason that she could then tell him she could fix, make sure it didn't happen again, but the truth was she didn't know. There wasn't anything that had set her off, she'd just been sat there with her friends having a well-earned laugh after a long shift. Realising she couldn't even enjoy that tipped her over the edge, clearing her throat she stifled a sob.

She reminded herself to thank Chris, he'd been picking her up and carrying her to a medical clinic or the closest first aid kit since they'd been at the Academy together. When Chris had first started going out with Olakunle and she'd passed out in their dorm room Olakunle had wondered what the hell was going on, but Chris had quickly explained it to him and over time when Clementine did have an 'episode' they would both make sure she was all right.

"No," She answered him finally. "There wasn't anything." She knew she was signing her own death warrant but she couldn't lie to McCoy, he'd been too good to her over the years. Signing her off for active duty when the majority of CMO's wouldn't, patching her up when she'd unluckily hurt herself when suffering an attack. He'd even stayed with her when she'd suffered several attacks in one day, by the end of it she'd been exhausted, experiencing a sense of derealisation and McCoy had been the one to make her realise that her and the world around her was real.

"Clem," McCoy growled out, closing his eyes in dejection.

"I know, it's alright." Clementine smiled sadly at him trying to make him feel better. "Thanks for patching me up, I take it I'm off active duty?" She already knew the answer, McCoy nodded at her.

"I'll let you know when you can go back to work," he told her quietly while she hopped off the bed and smoothed down her blue tunic.

"Yep, I know you will." She started walking away, pulling her hair out of its long ponytail harshly as she went. It suddenly felt tight against her scalp and was giving her a headache.

"Clem!" Turning she looked back at McCoy expectantly. "I'm sorry," he didn't know what else to say.

"You don't need to be, but…" she smiled at him again. "Me too."

* * *

Clementine Kelly was one of the many Science Officers on board the Enterprise responsible for the ship's sensor readings. This was great, because it meant she could pretty much sit at a station all day and run diagnostics, write reports and analyse data.

This suited her just fine.

When she had been at the Academy her ultimate goal was to become a Senior Science Officer but her disorder had brought that nice little aspiration to a careening halt. She had fought for her place at the Academy for years, first pleading with Starfleet and then after being rejected by them, taking it up with a number of Council Members of the Federation itself. She had found an ally in Council Member Chin Kuan Ng, who argued that no member of a Federation planet should be discriminated against due to a medical disorder that was untreatable due to a ban on genetic engineering, a policy which was imposed due to the Eugenics Wars nearly three hundred years earlier. She remembered sitting in the Council Chamber, located on the first floor of the fifteen-story building in Paris called the Palais de la Concorde.

* * *

**2254**

"You are asking us to ignore the deaths of thirty million people Councillor!"

"I'm asking you to pay attention to one person that has no connection with thirty million dead. She's the one paying the price now!"

* * *

Later, Clementine discovered that Chin Kuan Ng was a descendant of a 'Khan', when he mentioned he'd been brought up in the Sahara Reclamation Zone, a known place of exile for descendants she'd finally put the pieces of the puzzle together. She'd heard the stories as a child from her Mother, after it was known that many of the Augments had taken normal humans as spouses and had children that were half augment and half human, these spouses and children were preyed upon by a society who would execute them for the crimes committed by the Augments themselves. Being a descendant could lead to a dishonourable discharge from Starfleet and most certainly removal from the Council so Clementine never mentioned it to him or anybody else. She was just eternally grateful that this man who had clearly had to hide who he truly was his entire life had fought so hard for her.

That's when she had decided not to fight anymore, knowing that there were people in actual physical danger due to their genetic makeup, rather than herself, who had always felt at a disadvantage because a very simple medication wasn't allowed to be made.

Perspective, that was the word that kept coming to her.

Clementine had graduated from the Academy one year before Khan's attack, in the immediate aftermath calls were made to ensure that the ban on genetic engineering would never be lifted. Investigations uncovered not only the many descendants of the 'Khan's' but an increasing number of well-meaning parents who had had their children illegally modified in the hopes of improving their lives, those investigations went as far as convicting some of those parents.

Clementine had asked her own parents if they had ever considered taking her to one of the Non-Federation planets that were free to practice genetic modification when she had been a child. They told her not only had they considered it, they had boarded a shuttle to one such planet.

* * *

"What happened?" she'd asked her Mother.

"The risks were unquantifiable but your Father had argued that not trying was worse than trying, we were sat on the shuttle and I spotted a little girl, she was… she was very ill. I knew it was because her parents had thought it was the right thing to do. It was me Clementine, I told your Father I wasn't going to do it to you. I made him take us home. After, more and more we heard about other parents who had done it and their children, given the illegal nature of the operations, had been left with defects. I knew then and there that I had made the right choice."

* * *

**2260**

When Doctor Puri, who had been integral in her medical clearance had been replaced with Doctor McCoy Clementine had been nervous. She hadn't known whether or not the new CMO would agree with Doctor Puri's opinion on the matter. She had known for hours prior to receiving his decision that she was going to have an attack and she'd done everything she could to prevent it. Keeping her wrists cool, going for a run, finally she sat herself on the floor of the store cupboard. It was quiet, dark and Elson knew to make sure to keep anybody else from going in.

So when McCoy had comm'd her and there had been no answer he took it upon himself to go find Lieutenant Clementine Kelly. He'd been working through a long list of Crewmembers on board who had ongoing medical conditions, chronic treatments, preventative treatments and so on. So by the time he had got to her, he was tired, angry and in desperate need of a drink. Walking in he scanned the room quickly, seeing that one station was vacant he went over and asked the man sitting adjacent where she was.

"Err, she's a little busy right now." Chris answered defensively, McCoy narrowed his eyes at him and crossed his arms in front of his chest.

"Well I'm a bit busy running a damned medical bay so I'd like to know where the hell she is, now Lieutenant." McCoy spoke angrily. Chris nodded mutely and stood from his stool, walking over to the cupboard he gave the door a gentle knock.

"Kelly?" He whispered through the door, all the while McCoy watching on before striding over to stand next to Elson.

"She's in there?" He asked disbelievingly.

"Yes Sir," Elson nodded his head. "It helps to keep her calm." He explained.

"She's having an attack?"

"She's trying to prevent one."

"What set her off?" McCoy was curious, he'd only read her medical file and had never met the woman. Puri's notes were substantial but clinical. McCoy had always felt he'd taken a more instinctual approach to his Patients, what worked for one didn't for another and so on.

"You Sir." Elson answered, realisation dawned on McCoy and he uncharacteristically blushed from embarrassment.

"I see, well. If you could give me a minute." It wasn't a request and he stared pointedly at Elson who eventually nodded and walked away back to his station where he kept an eye on what was going on. The man might have been a Doctor but he knew what was best for his friend.

"Lieutenant Kelly?" McCoy knocked on the door and waited. "Lieutenant Kelly, it's Doctor McCoy, open the door please." His patience was waning, he had things to do. "Lieutenant Kelly," the door opened and the very pale face of Clementine Kelly looked back at him, a grimace of a smile plastered on her face.

"Doctor McCoy," she greeted him even though he could see the perspiration on her temple and the fact that her hands were trembling.

"You're having an attack now?" he asked, his primary concern in that moment being her wellbeing.

"Yes, it's mild." She answered as she concentrated on her breathing.

"You know what works for you?" He said as he watched her squeeze her hands together and close her eyes, as always focussing on her breathing. "Do you want me to take to you to the medical bay?"

"No, it's going but I could do with knowing whether you're kicking me off this ship? Sir." McCoy waited while she blew out some last large breaths and opened her eyes, looking at him as if he was a buoy out at sea. His hand went automatically to her wrist and she brought it up towards him, knowing that he was checking her pulse.

"It's calming down," Clementine nodded her head and tried to stop herself from rolling her eyes at the fact that he was stating the obvious. His brown eyes watched her green intently until finally he knew that she had pulled herself back and quite frankly, he was impressed. He had already made his decision about her active duty status before he'd gone to see her but now he was pretty sure she should remain on board. "Doctor McCoy, I'm Clementine Kelly." Holding her hand out towards him McCoy took it and they shook hands confidently.

"Lieutenant Kelly, I wanted to let you know I've extended your active duty status…" the beaming smile she gave him nearly melted his hardened heart, nearly.

"Really?" she asked incredulously.

"It's what I said isn't it?" McCoy answered gruffly as she all but jumped up and down in the store cupboard, her long ponytail bouncing up and down behind her.

"Thank you so much Doctor McCoy, you won't regret it, I promise. I can handle it, have been handling it, it was just that today, knowing you were making the decision. Well, it was a lot!" He found her excitement infectious and fought the urge to smile back.

"I want you to check in on regular intervals Lieutenant, you hear me? And any changes to your routine, however small you come tell me. If I ever hear of you being in a priority one environment and something happens you'll be gone quicker than a cat on a hot tin roof." She agreed with his terms and then thanked him again before he turned and left, not before hearing her shout to her fellow Officers.

"See I told you! You can't get rid of me that easily!"


	2. Chapter 2

**2262**

The data was coming in thick and fast and Clementine could barely keep up. Apparently they were tracking a collapsing star and Commander Spock was eager to record, track and analyse every single minute detail.

"Elson, what've you got?" she called out to Chris next to her.

"A whole lot of nothing, you?"

"I've got something?" she answered peering at the screens in front of her. "Who determined our distance and the star's trajectory?" she shot back at him as he was gulping down his coffee.

"What?" he instinctively responded but then her question seeped through his early morning consciousness and he started checking his own readings. "Bridge crew…"

"Bloody hell! They have no idea!" opening a channel to the Commander she tapped her fingers on her desk anxiously. "Come on,"

"Lieutenant Kelly, how may I be of assistance?"

"Commander, the trajectory is not what we initially hoped for…" Chris listened intently as his friend and fellow Crewmember started listing off fractions and numbers. Percentages, degrees and hypotheticals were pouring from her at lightning speed. As she spoke he checked her stats at his own station, nodding slowly he silently gave her a thumbs up, letting her know he agreed with what she was saying.

"Do you have the data Lieutenant?"

"Yes, sending it to you now." Clementine froze and pulled her ponytail tighter, waiting for the Vulcan's response.

"You are correct in your analytics Lieutenant," silently she motioned to Chris, rolling her eyes and gesturing to her own head with her hand as if the Vulcan had agreed with her that the Earth's sky is blue. Chris couldn't help but stifle a laugh, he knew she wasn't just being ballsy because the Commander couldn't see her, there was no question in his mind that she would have done the same thing to his face given the chance. It was a running joke between him, Olakunle and Clementine that she had the biggest balls out of the three of them.

"Your presence is required on the Bridge Lieutenant," with that the communication cut out and Clementine swallowed hard.

"I've sent him all the stuff?" she commented to Chris.

"Priority one…" Chris whistled slowly and shook his head.

"Why the hell would you say that?!" Clementine punched his arm knowing full well she wouldn't even leave a bruise. Still, it made her feel slightly better.

"Because I like messing with you?" he shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly.

"Well! Well done you because now it's in my head!" she punched him again for good measure.

"You'll be fine," he gave her one of his signatory 'Stop worrying over nothing' looks. "Go Kelly," he ushered.

"Yeah, right, okay." Getting up from her station she quickly pulled her ponytail tighter again and strode from the room. Making her way there she took in a deep breath before stepping out of the turbolift, it was a hive of activity and she quickly scanned the room looking for Commander Spock. Kirk was in his chair, speaking with Doctor McCoy, she gave them a cursory glance but they were both deep in conversation with one another.

"Commander?" she caught his attention and then was pulled into a whirlwind conversation, keeping up with Spock was difficult, his mind a chasm of knowledge and logic. Clementine found herself getting a kick out of being there with him though, discussing possibilities, scenarios of outcome. She found it exhilarating.

"Captain," Spock spoke over her head, turning she watched the Captain and McCoy look up and then make their way over. Clementine looked at the Captain, who was eyeing her up and down, clearly intrigued as to why a Lieutenant from Analytics was speaking with his First Officer. She nodded respectfully and then turned to McCoy.

"Doctor McCoy," she greeted professionally but she could tell by his face he was wondering what the hell she was doing there and being a tad more obvious than Kirk.

"Lieutenant Kelly," he replied, all the while Kirk looking between the pair.

"What is it Spock?" Kirk asked turning back to his First Officer.

"Lieutenant Kelly revised my estimates and she is correct in proposing we deviate from our current path Captain," McCoy scoffed ungainly.

"You're telling me you got something wrong Spock?!" he asked gleefully.

"Correct, I fail to understand as to why that is a source of pleasure for you Doctor?" Spock replied stoically.

"Different strokes Spock," McCoy answered light-heartedly. Clementine felt embarrassed, but the smile on the Captain and Doctor's face made her think they were both extremely happy that someone had got one over on Spock.

"Great work Lieutenant!" Kirk congratulated her.

"Thank you Sir, but it was only a very small deviation, anybody could have done the same…" Kirk held up his hand.

"Take the compliment Lieutenant," he said laughing.

"Aye Sir, thank you." Clementine smiled and nodded her head professionally, she found herself stealing another glance at McCoy who was already looking at her.

"Sir, our corrected course is taking us through an Ion storm." Sulu shouted from his station, the order obviously already having been relayed. Everybody's attention was diverted to the Helmsman who was looking at Kirk expectantly.

"Can we go around?" he asked.

"I don't think we have time and in any case, that will take us back into the vicinity of the star?" Kirk was back in his chair commanding each function for a full report and Clementine stood in awe, watching the inner workings of the Bridge was a sight to behold.

"Come with me," she felt McCoy's firm grip on her arm and before she realised what was happening McCoy was leading her towards the turbolift.

"What are you doing?" she asked as they stood in the turbolift, pulling her arm back and not appreciating being man-handled.

"This is a priority one environment…" and there it was.

"Yes, and?" she interrupted, McCoy's eyebrow arched severely and he leant towards her.

"And remember what I said about you being in a priority one environment?" he asked aggressively, Clementine looked at him with the same amount of aggression.

"I do, but as you can see, Doctor McCoy, I'm fine." In just that small amount of time she had experienced what it felt like to be at the heart of the action, to be making decisions that effected the whole crew, and she had helped! She had positively contributed and just as she was taking it all in McCoy had pulled it all out from under her. Reminding her that she was a goddamn liability! She stared at him angrily as his eyes softened slightly and he gently ushered her to follow him.

"I know you are, I know. I just don't want to have to…" he struggled with finding the right words.

"Throw me off the ship?" Clementine finished for him, with a deep breath she closed her eyes for a moment and succumbed to the brutal truth, that he was only doing his job. "You're right, I'm sorry. It's just I always dreamed of being on the bridge and…" she closed her eyes again and sighed. "Never mind," standing in the turbolift she smiled gratefully at him and he found himself smiling back sympathetically.

McCoy was abruptly thrown from his feet and crashed against Clementine as the whole ship, and consequently the turbolift lurched sideways.

He'd all but smothered her but was finding it difficult to right himself with the constant pitching of the ship. The grunt underneath him made him look down and see Clementine's eyes staring back up at him.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"You weigh a ton!" Clementine managed to rasp out given there was no air in her lungs.

"Yeah sorry, damnit!" in his panic he rested his hand on her hip and pushed himself up, letting out a scream Clementine couldn't help but double over in pain and try to push him away in response. That was a lot of weight for one hip bone!

"Oww!"

"Damnit!" despite the pain he was inflicting Clementine laughed and pulled a face at McCoy.

"For goodness sake!" She exclaimed, pushing at his chest with both her hands. Serendipitously both the ship and McCoy righted themselves at the same time. Standing he held out his hand to her, "Are you alright?" she asked.

"Yeah, you?" McCoy was looking for any sign of injury.

"I'm fine, what happened?" pulling her ponytail tight she went to the comm panel.

"Lieutenant Kelly to Analytics." McCoy watched as she waited for an answer.

"Elson here." Clementine closed her eyes briefly, her friend's voice calming her down.

"What's going on Chris?" she asked as calmly as she could peering at McCoy at the same time and seeing that he was watching her intently.

"Ion storm," both Clementine and McCoy rolled their eyes at the same time.

"No shit Chris," her response slipped out and she blushed. She desperately tried to ignore the fact that she was stood with a Senior Officer who was looking at her through narrowed eyes.

"That's why they pay me the big bucks!" Clementine ended the comm and requested deck eight.

'Turbolift is inoperable,' the computer answered back.

"You have got to be kidding!" McCoy shouted angrily.

"Lieutenant Kelly to Engineering," Clementine started to tap her foot unconsciously.

"Engineering here," came the disinterested voice.

"We're stuck in a turbolift…"

"Yeah, powers down, we'll get to ya." The comm cut out and the pair looked at one another dumbfounded.

"I guess we're stuck here for a while?" Clementine shrugged her shoulders and looked at McCoy blankly.

"The hell we are!" McCoy proceeded to open a comm to seemingly every function, including Kirk, asking why the hell they were stuck in a turbolift. Clementine just stood and listened until he finally slid down the side of the wall and let his legs splay out in front of him.

"I think you need to calm down Doctor," Clementine said as she followed suit and sat opposite him, crossing her legs at the ankle and smoothing down her skirt. His jaw dropped and he was about to launch into a tirade of 'look who's talking' when he caught the glint in her eye and he knew she was joking.

"How are you feeling?" he asked, acutely aware they were in a very stressful situation.

"Not bad, considering," Clementine smiled, not really minding that he seemed to ask her that question fifty times a day. "It must be your calming influence," again McCoy was pleasantly surprised by her light hearted banter.

"Must be," he replied falling into a silence. Leaning his head back he closed his eyes and tried to relax, there was nothing he could do but the idea of being stuck in such a small space was starting to get to him. Clementine had been watching him and picking up on the tell-tale signs of someone who was trying not to panic, pulling herself up into a kneeling position she instinctively took McCoy's hand.

"What's wrong Doctor McCoy?" she asked as his eyes shot open and he looked at her shocked. He realised he mustn't have been as successful as he had hoped in hiding the fact that he was struggling with the confined space.

"I suffer from Aviophobia," he said, noticing that her thumb was rubbing the skin between his thumb and index finger. "What are you doing?" he asked, still watching.

"I'm applying pressure to the hand valley point," she answered. "Don't you mean Claustrophobia?" Clementine caught his attention again, trying to keep him occupied.

"No, I don't have a phobia of confined spaces." Shaking his head his eyes flittered to her profile and then back down again.

"Just flying?" she asked quietly.

"That's right, being stuck in here reminds me we're flying through space." Clementine nodded and continued to rub small circles on his hand. She had to stop herself from smiling, the revelation that Doctor McCoy had a phobia being oddly amusing to her.

"What the hell is the damned hand valley point?" McCoy gave her a sceptical look.

"Reflexologists claim that applying a firm touch to this pressure point may help reduce stress," she told him, letting his right hand drop to his lap and picking up his left. "Seems to be working," McCoy nodded, watching her hold his hand in hers gently. The feel of her soft skin on his was captivating and he found himself looking over every indentation and mark.

"How'd you get that scar?" he asked her, noticing the small silvery line that ran across the top of her hand. It was unusual for people to have scars, most were removed with a dermal regenerator. Clementine laughed and brushed her own finger over the long forgotten wound.

"I was hiking, held onto a branch and didn't check that it could take my weight, went flying." Shrugging her shoulders she noticed that McCoy's breathing had calmed and he was watching her avidly. Wanting to keep him that way she carried on talking. "We weren't due to get back for another week so I patched it up as best I could, when we got back I didn't want to lose it." The pair looked at one another, their eyes not moving. "A reminder of my bravery and how much of a badass I was sewing it up myself!" She winked at him as she spoke. "You seemed to have calmed down a bit," Clementine whispered to him.

"I guess so," McCoy was surprised himself at how much of a calming effect she had had on him.

"Plus I figured I owed you one, given the amount of times you've helped me." Clementine wanted to apologise to him, for being a nuisance, taking up his time but she'd promised herself a long time ago never to say sorry to anybody again.

Not about her condition at any rate.

McCoy thought back to the time he'd stayed with her through several attacks, they'd ended up sitting on the floor in her quarters. He'd brought his hands up and cupped her cheeks, asking her to focus on him. Her eyes had glistened with tears and he'd gently stroked the wetness from her cheek. That's when he had felt liked he'd crossed some invisible line, the one between caring Doctor and caring… whatever?! It had taken him a long time to shake that feeling off. Now though, it was all careening back.


	3. Chapter 3

"You're not helping sitting there like that," Clementine told McCoy as he perched on the end of her sofa and watched as she paced back and forth taking deep breaths.

"Where would you like me to sit?" he asked with no hint of sarcasm. Clementine laughed and told him to at least sit back.

"You don't have to be here you know, I appreciate it but you don't have to be here." McCoy waved a dismissive hand and told her to stop talking and concentrate on her breathing. "Actually you know what? Talking to you seems to be helping!" raising her eyebrows in disbelief McCoy chuckled.

"You don't have to sound so surprised!" he told her as she brought her arms above her head and stretched out her back. "I've been told I'm easy to talk to," he added.

"Ha! By whom?" Clementine asked.

"I'm not justifying that question with an answer!" McCoy bit back good-humouredly but then watched concerned as Clementine squeezed her eyes shut and placed her hands on her hips. "Keep breathing," he told her as he unconsciously stood up. Clementine nodded silently and then let out an anguished cry. "Hey! Hey! Come on now, you're alright." Standing in front of her he took hold of her wrists gently and brought her arms back down to her sides. "Breaths Clem, breaths."

"Breaths," she repeated as she opened her eyes and looked into his. "Tell me something," she rasped out as McCoy kept hold of her wrists.

"When's your birthday?" he asked and Clementine couldn't help but roll her eyes. "Come on now, when's your birthday?" he asked again.

"September," she told him breathlessly. "This isn't helping," she said angrily as she brought her arms up to her chest. McCoy didn't let go, feeling her heart against the back of his hand beating out of her chest.

"My favourite birthday cake was on my ninth birthday, it was lemon and had yellow icing on top." Clementine smiled.

"My favourite is lemon drizzle, when the sugar and lemon crystallises on top…?" McCoy nodded in response. "I can't imagine you being nine," she told him.

"And why not?" he replied bemused.

"I bet you always did your chores didn't you? Made sure your homework was in on time?" Clementine watched his eyes dance with mischief. Letting her arms fall back to her sides McCoy reluctantly let go and then the pair of them wordlessly sat down on the sofa, Clementine feeling like she was beginning to calm down.

"And you were a rebel?" he asked unconvinced.

"Me? No! Not at all, I was never in trouble as a child. Miss goody-two-shoes I'm afraid, oh I once said I was staying at a friend's house to study when in fact we went out dancing but I was so scared of being found out the entire time, it was awful! I guess I'm not really the kind who does well with stressful situations." Giving him a sad smile McCoy realised in that moment just how much of a burden her disorder had been for her.

"Clem…" he started but he stopped when he saw her close her eyes sadly and when she opened them again and looked up at him they were red and brimming with tears.

"I've never taken risks in my life, I've always played it safe." Hastily wiping her eyes Clementine felt embarrassed to be sat in front of the CMO feeling sorry for herself and suddenly realised that he probably wanted to be anywhere but her quarters. "I'm sorry…" she started.

"Don't be sorry, damnit don't ever be sorry and I've got to say, I completely disagree with you! You're whole life you've taken risks, look at you! You've fought tooth and nail to get to where you are now, I know plenty of men and women who have coasted their entire lives, fallen into situations because of sheer dumb luck! You knew what you wanted and went after it Clem! You should be proud of yourself." McCoy reached up and wiped a tear from Clementine's cheek, watching her green eyes dance between him and the floor he watched as the woman sat in front of him nodded slowly. "Believe me Clem, you haven't played it safe." His thumb and forefinger wiggled her chin and Clementine couldn't help but smile at the small act of affection.

"Thanks Doc…"

"Leonard," he interrupted.

"Leonard," she repeated. "Thank you Leonard," Clementine squeezed the back of his hand and McCoy gave her a rare smile.

* * *

"Breathe with me Clem!" McCoy told her sternly.

"I can't!" McCoy shook his head and pulled her closer to him. After a period of calm he'd watched in abject sadness as Clementine had descended into quite possibly the worst attack she'd ever had. He'd ended up pulling her to the floor and with her sat between his legs, her back against his chest he held on to her tightly as they both took large deep breaths.

"Yes you can, feel my chest go up and down, match my breath Clem." Holding onto her arms McCoy could feel her entire body tremble, wrapping his arms around her he continued to speak close in her ear. Clementine unconsciously let her head loll back onto his shoulder, she was physically and mentally exhausted. "That's it, keep doing that Clem, you're alright. Slow your breathing, you're here with me. Focus on my voice and the rise and fall of my chest." Clementine's eyes were squeezed shut and she nodded instinctively at his words, she felt like she'd run a marathon and as the dark haze lifted she felt like she couldn't move her limbs. As tears fell down her cheeks she felt McCoy shift behind her, being pulled into his arms Clementine felt like she was trying to remember a distant memory that wouldn't quite come. Being placed on her bed and a heavy blanket being tucked around her, she felt too tired to speak and as sleep took over her last thought was that she missed being in his arms.

* * *

**Present Day - 2263**

McCoy sat in front of his computer with Clementine's medical record displayed on the screen. When he'd first sat down his fingers had worked over the letters at lightning speed, writing up his report and recommendations easily but when it was time to select the 'Medical Discharge' notification his hand hovered. His eyes went to the top right hand of the screen where her picture was displayed. She was beaming, well technically that wasn't true, she wasn't showing off her bright teeth but everything else about her expression told him she was delighted.

"Damnit Clem," he whispered to himself.

He'd found her intolerably cheerful when he had first met her, always smiling widely, pulling funny faces when she thought no one was looking and genuinely just being a good person.

McCoy loathed people like that.

But over time, with them sharing regular appraisal sessions he came to realise there was much more to her than met the eye. She'd had to fight tooth and nail to simply go to the Academy, jump through every hoop imaginable and still probably been told she wasn't going to get to where she wanted to be. She was around the same age as he was and he couldn't help but make comparisons between himself and her, how would he have handled being one of the very last people with an untreatable medical condition in the entire Federation?

McCoy knew enough about medicine to know that Clementine's disorder could easily be subdued if not completely eradicated by a very simple, slight change to her amygdala and the hippocampus. But that was irrelevant he supposed.

His hand went from hovering over the keypad to pulling his desk drawer open and pulling out a bottle of Whiskey, pouring himself a drink he stared at the wall in front of him.

* * *

After two weeks McCoy comm'd Clementine and asked her to meet him in the Medical Bay. He felt his heartbeat quicken when the chime went for his office door, coughing as if that would get rid of the butterflies in his stomach he shouted out at the closed door.

"Come in," Clementine walked in, poised and collected. He'd always thought of her as graceful, with her long neck and slender face. He thought perhaps it was her sleeked back hair in its high ponytail or her delicate wrists and the way she always tucked one ankle behind the other when she sat, but then he'd notice her clasped hands delicately resting on her lap and think maybe it was that small gesture? He would always end up laughing or groaning when the dignified appearance was shattered by her telling a lewd joke or pulling her face at something he said. For all her beauty, Clementine Kelly was a bit of a dork.

"Doctor McCoy," her greeting was clipped and he didn't have to struggle to think why, as far as she was concerned he was permanently signing her off of active duty.

"Sit down," he pointed to the chair with his hand and waited for her to sit before taking the one next to her, what he was about to discuss was something that needed to be done face to face, not with a desk between them.

"Are you alright?" Clementine asked him, picking up on his nervousness.

"Yes, I'm fine. I need to speak to you about something." She felt like his eyes were seeing right through her, it was the most serious she'd ever seen him.

"Alright," she replied slowly.

"Damnit will you stop interrupting me!" McCoy shouted out exasperatedly, Clementine shut her mouth and waited silently for him to continue.

"I can develop a treatment, it reduces the reactionary rate of your limbic system…" he was watching her closely and saw that she creased her brow slightly at his last few words. "The limbic system is where your amygdala and the hippocampus are, this is the area of the brain that influences symptoms of anxiety," he explained further. Clementine was very careful with how she responded, she wasn't an idiot, she knew what he was saying.

"Go on Doctor," she replied. McCoy leaned towards her and rested his arms on his legs.

"I believe that with a reduced reactionary rate your panic attacks should reduce, if not completely abate." Clementine caught herself unconsciously grinning at his words but reality seeped in and she straightened her face.

"There are risks?" she asked.

"Of course there are risks, this is an untested medication but I've seen it in action before and I know what it can do."

"It?" she asked.

"I don't know how much you know about the 'Chrysalis Project'…" McCoy started but stopped when Clementine held up her hand.

"I know everything," she answered quietly. McCoy nodded slowly, seeing that the conversation was making her visibly upset.

"Let me try this a different way, the process they used involved the introduction of seven distinct improvements to the basic human genotype, I'm suggesting we introduce a variation of only one for you."

"How?" Clementine shifted in her seat and pulled her ponytail tighter.

"After we apprehended Khan on Qo'noS I took a sample of his blood to analyse, when Kirk, the damned idiot that he is got himself killed I used the blood… it brought him back to life." McCoy watched her fixedly, trying to figure out what she was thinking. "The official report stated that all samples were returned to Starfleet and that with Khan back in suspended animation that was that but…"

"You kept some," Clementine finished his sentence.

"Yes," he answered simply.

"And you want to use it on me?"

"I want to give you the option," he corrected her.

McCoy's eyes were searching hers for any kind of threat of danger, was she going to tell somebody what he was offering her? Even though the possibility was slim to none that she would he'd be a fool not to think that no matter how much you think you know someone if they feel cornered they'll bolt like a Stallion.

Clementine was overwhelmed, she knew exactly what McCoy was risking by doing this for her. He was risking everything.

"Doctor McCoy, first of all I will never speak of this to anyone, secondly," she took hold of his hand. "I can't let you do this for me." Raising her eyebrows at him and shaking her head she hoped he knew how much she appreciated what he was willing to do for her.

"What?" McCoy sat back dumbfounded.

"I'm not going to let you risk everything for me like this, it's okay, I'm alright. I always knew there'd come a point where I'd reach the end of my luck. I'm surprised it lasted this long!" She laughed sadly and rubbed the top of his hand comfortingly, McCoy just stared at her hand covering his.

"It's a risk I want to take, I've tested it and tested it, and I know what I'm doing…" she could tell by his tone that he was angry which she wasn't surprised about. She knew him well enough to know that his true passion was helping people so when he was faced with someone like her, someone he seemingly couldn't help he found it maddening.

"I don't doubt it…" she interrupted.

"What do they think will damn well happen?! You'll become a raging homicidal maniac?!" He pulled his hand away from her roughly.

"Let's hope not!" Clementine joked, trying to liven the mood but McCoy was having none of it.

"I've tested it, it's safe. It will work." Each of his words were punctuated with him banging his fist against his desk.

"It's illegal," she watched as he stood and paced in front of her.

"A technicality," he dismissed with a wave of his hand.

"How will you explain my lack of attacks?" she countered coming to realise he was being deadly serious.

"Increased psychological consultations," he answered straight away making Clementine smile at him again.

"You've thought of everything haven't you?" It was McCoy's turn to smile, although somewhat gloomily.

"Would you expect anything less?" he answered, flushed.

"I need to think about it," she stood as well, turning to him she saw the eagerness in his eyes.

"Clem, you wouldn't be one of them, I'm just putting a stray hair back in its place." As he said the words he tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear. Clementine froze at his touch and for the first time saw something in his eyes she hadn't seen before, affection. For McCoy, the small act of fondness didn't even register.

"I forgot to say thank you," she whispered.

"You're welcome."


	4. Chapter 4

The party was in full swing, they'd taken over the Crewman's Lounge for Chris Elson's Birthday and Clementine watched as her friends danced wildly to the thumping music. Olakunle Oyesile had been eternally grateful to her for helping him organise the whole thing and had insisted she take a bow in front of everybody at the start of the night when he had lead Chris in blindfolded. Adam had been chatting in her ear earlier in the night, she knew he'd liked her for some time and she was more than complimented by that fact. Adam was a great guy, smart and caring but she just didn't find him attractive. She smiled when she spotted him talking with Jennifer McWilliams, she'd been sweet on him since the beginning and Clementine was glad Adam had finally realised what was right before his eyes.

She felt her chest tighten when she watched the pair, finding it increasingly hard to breathe she closed her eyes and began counting down from one hundred.

"Don't you dare!" she warned herself, the loud music was making it hard for her to concentrate so she put down her drink and made her way out into the corridor. The cooler air, bright light and quietness helped Clementine control her breathing. "You're fine, nothing is wrong." She started walking, nowhere in particular but the simple act of moving and concentrating on putting one foot in front of the other took her mind off her tightened chest. She pulled the sleeves of her black top up her arms and clutched her wrists, a technique she'd learnt a long time ago that seemed to work. The panic was pulling at her too quickly so she stopped where she was and slid down the wall, if she was going to pass out she didn't want to be hurting herself by falling to the floor. Putting her head between her knees she let her loose hair spill over her head and pool on the floor, creating a little tent around her. She heard giggling but didn't look up.

"Looks like someone's had too much." A woman's voice said as it passed her by. Air was getting into her lungs again so she pulled her head up and rested it against the wall.

"Hey," Clementine turned to see one of the Ship's Doctors walking towards her, something Rees? Kneeling down beside her he scowled. "You know it's not a good idea to get this drunk…" he started.

"I'm not drunk," Clementine interrupted him, the young Doctor scoffed.

"Yeah alright, come on…" Clementine pulled herself up at the same time as the Doctor righted himself.

"I'm not drunk! I was having a panic attack you insensitive arsehole!" she snapped at him angrily. His face dropped slightly but she could tell he still didn't quite believe her. "Listen, talk to your boss, he knows the score." She didn't wait for his reply before walking away and towards her quarters.

Once there she didn't bother getting undressed, instead she lay back on her bed and continued to carry on focussing on her breathing, she could feel tears beginning to sting her eyes. She was angry that she had had to leave the party, she was angry that some 'thinksheknowsitall' Doctor just presumed she'd had too much to drink and she was angry that she'd had to deal with this whole thing for her entire life! Her door chime called out and she stared at the entranceway wondering who the hell it could be? Then thinking it was probably Chris or Olakunle she heaved herself up and walked towards the door.

"I'm fine…" she said as the door slid open revealing Doctor McCoy who was stood glaring at her.

"The hell you are!" he answered walking passed her.

"Come in, won't you?" Clementine replied sarcastically.

"Rees spoke to me, told me you were having an attack?" He was looking at her intently and she found it unnerving.

"Did he now? Did he tell you he thought I was drunk?" McCoy winced and shook his head and Clementine could only let out a quiet, sad laugh in response. "I'll be honest, you're not helping." McCoy opened his mouth to respond to her insult but stopped himself, she was right. Him going in there all guns blazing hadn't brought tranquillity to the situation and that's all she needed right now, calmness. He stood quietly, fighting against his instinct to drag her to the medical bay.

"Can I check your heart rate?" he asked, holding up the med kit in his hand. Clementine rolled her eyes and consented.

"If you must," McCoy set the kit down and pulled out his tricorder, flipping the small device open he walked towards Clementine who stood quietly watching his movements. Waving the device up and down in front of her he spotted her smirking at him.

"What's so funny?" he asked sullenly.

"You are." She told him with the smallest of smiles.

"And how the hell am I funny?" he asked, enjoying their back and forth. Clementine laughed more at his expression, she was pretty sure he was putting it on for her amusement.

"You're a very clever man Doctor McCoy," she told him knowingly.

"Tell me something I don't know!" McCoy glibly replied, "But why do you say that?" He was intrigued, looking up at her, with her eyes framed by billowing hair he lost track of his actions.

"Asking to check my heart rate, it's something to focus on. It's clever," Clementine stated simply.

"I'm not handling you," he clarified.

"I know, still, I appreciate it." She gave him another small smile and then a quick wink.

"You wanna go get a drink?" The question surprised the both of them, especially McCoy because he honestly thought he had said it in his head and not out loud. He really had only been entertaining the notion of asking her, he certainly wasn't ready for her answer! And Clementine was stunned because she never thought McCoy was the type of man who would dip his pen in the company ink. Not that she was complaining. She saw his jaw tighten in apprehension, the one and only time she'd seen a chink in his armour. His hazel eyes felt like they were boring into hers and she couldn't look at anything else. "Clem?" His hand found hers and she grasped hold of it tightly, the electricity between their palms feeling hot.

"You're not handling me are you McCoy? This isn't another distraction? I have to ask…" her voice was low and horse and McCoy saw a seriousness in her he hadn't witnessed before.

"I'm not handling you," he answered clearly, ensuring there was no doubt in her mind. McCoy smiled at how tightly she held on, "Is that a yes?" he asked apprehensively.

"Yes that's a yes," Clementine answered. "When?" he had to laugh out loud at her very pragmatic question, it was completely endearing to him.

"Tomorrow? I'll send you a message?" they hadn't let go of each other's hand.

"Alright," hesitantly they let go and then McCoy looked gravely at her it instantly made her think he'd changed his mind. "What?" she asked concerned.

"You're gonna be alright aren't you? I mean, this isn't too stressful?" The pure look of concern made Clementine indelicately snort, another facet of her character McCoy was seeing for the first time.

"Get out! Seriously?! Yeah, I'll think I'll manage with the overwhelming anticipation of having a drink with you…" she started pushing him towards the door as she theatrically fanned herself with her hand.

"Well you're a better woman than most Darlin'…" McCoy drawled and Clementine's eyes nearly popped out of her head upon hearing him use the term of endearment. It was as if she'd just found another piece of the puzzle that was Leonard H. McCoy and it fitted perfectly.

"Good night Doctor McCoy," Clementine grinned as he stepped through the doorway.

"Good night Clem."

* * *

"Chris!" Clementine grabbed Chris' shoulders from behind and whispered in his ear excitedly the next day.

"What?" surprised, Chris gave her a confused look. He'd know Clementine a very long time and public displays of any nature were, well not in her nature. With her friends, in private she would let out a little more of her personality which Chris would always describe as borderline mad as a box of frogs.

"Can you cover the end of my shift?" Chris Elson stopped what he was doing and looked up at his friend.

"What the hell?" In all the years he'd known her she had never asked him to cover her shift.

"Don't look at me like that, I have something I need to do…" failing miserably at looking calm and collected Clementine gave him a frantic look.

"What? What do you need to do?" Olakunle asked, seeing that the pair had stopped working.

"Nothing!" Clementine blushed. "Forget it, forget I asked." Waving the two men off she tried to look like she was busy, walking to her station and randomly shuffling PADDs around.

"Nice try Kelly! You're not getting away with it that easily! Tell us. Now!" Chris looked at her in a way that told her she wasn't going to get away from telling them everything.

"I'm having a drink with someone," she told them hesitantly.

"So, did you finally ask him or did he ask you?" Olakunle asked, Clementine looked at him shocked.

"What? I don't know who you're talking about… how do you know…?" Olakunle laughed and shared a look with Chris.

"Kelly, everybody knows there's something between you and McCoy. It's been the longest standing sweepstakes on the ship!" Chris laughed.

"Ewww, you're kidding?" she was horrified.

"Serious as a heart attack my friend," Chris laughed.

"I don't like that," scrunching up her face she locked down her station. "I don't like that one bit!" she added shaking her head.

"You don't have to like it, it is what it is." Chris replied. "Are you going like that?" he asked, Clementine looked down at herself.

"Yeah, why? I mean, what's wrong?" she suddenly felt self-conscious. "Do you think he'll change?" she whispered ore to herself than to Chris.

"Nothing's wrong! You look great!" narrowing her eyes at him she shook her head.

"Thanks for the vote of confidence," she grimaced. Chris jumped up and stood in front of her, sweeping back a few stray hairs and pinching her cheeks he gave her a kiss on the cheek.

"You're gorgeous you know that, and it's already clear that McCoy thinks so. Just… keep calm." Clementine nodded her head in agreement. "And you tell me if he even does one little thing wrong…"

"What are you going to do? Challenge him to a duel?" Clementine asked seriously.

"I don't like the man, never have. But you do so I'm just going to have to suck it up." Folding his arms defiantly he gave her a wink.

"I know, I will. Thanks Chris."

* * *

Stepping into the rec room Clementine looked round nervously, seeing McCoy sat by a window near the back she quickly made her way over. Standing next to him she said his name quietly, he straightaway turned to her, smiled and stood himself.

"Please, sit down." When she did he didn't fail to notice her fold her ankles one behind the other. "Do you want a drink?" he asked looking back up and smiling.

"Sure!" she answered seeing that one of the Servers was on their way over. "I'll have a Macallan Single Malt please."

"Whiskey?" McCoy uttered surprised.

"Yeah?" she didn't know what he was thinking but his facial expression made her laugh. "You were expecting me to be more of a 'Sunrise over Risa' type of Gal?"

"You couldn't be further from the truth," McCoy corrected her. When their drinks were sat in front of them McCoy raised his glass and made a toast.

"Cheers Leonard, this is nice, thanks for asking me." McCoy shook his head.

"I'll be honest I've been thinking about it for some time," he looked over the rim of his glass at her as he took a sip, watching for her reaction to his admission.

"You have?" the grin made him think she was pleased.

"Well, yes. I think you're a very handsome woman Clem." McCoy cringed at his own words.

"Handsome?" she teased, obviously not slighted by the strange or perhaps just misworded compliment.

"Beautiful, I meant beautiful." Clementine didn't want to tease him anymore.

"Thank you, that's very kind of you to say." Taking a sip of her drink she watched him carefully.

"Do you look at everybody like that?" McCoy sat forward, resting his arms on his legs.

"Like what?" Clementine creased her brow in confusion.

"Like I'm a sick dog and you're about to put me down?" McCoy laughed.

"No, I guess that's solely for you?" Raising her glass at him she felt her shoulders relax, "I was going for more of a 'coquettish' look, I thought I'd nailed it?" He realised that she was rather easy going and immediately wanted to experience more of this side of her character.

"Oh absolutely!" he answered enthusiastically. She was enjoying herself and was especially enjoying being able to chat about things other than her medical status. His offer still hung heavy in her mind but she wasn't ready to give her answer, so pushed it to the back.

"Glad to hear it!"

"And don't I feel lucky?" Clementine laughed and was about to reply when McCoy's comm badge went off. "Damnit! McCoy here," they both listened as the voice informed him he was needed in the medical bay. Standing he looked at Clementine apologetically, "I'm really sorry."

"Don't apologise, rain check?" he smiled when he realised she wasn't angry or upset with him and the fact that she wanted to try again was music to his ears.

"Rain check," he confirmed. Before he could leave Clementine reached towards him and planted a tender kiss on his cheek. "What was that for?" he asked, taken aback but also instantly wanting her lips on his.

"I'll let you know when you ask me out again," she gave him a wink before he reluctantly stalked off.


	5. Chapter 5

**Five Weeks Later**

She'd been given reduced duty status until the decision came through from Starfleet Command, McCoy may or may not have delayed the update to her medical files. It wouldn't be the first time, they were in deep space after all!

Zipping up her tunic she smoothed down her hair and pulled at the band that held it in place. She was ready early, making her way to McCoy she went over and over in her head what she was going to say to him. They'd finally managed to have a drink together and it had gone even better than she could have hoped for, her feelings for him were growing exponentially and she felt it as a matter of urgency to speak to him as Doctor and Patient before anything else could get in the way.

* * *

Looking around the med bay she spotted him speaking with one of the Nurses, waiting until their conversation had come to an end she walked towards him as he started walking himself.

"Hey there Stanger," she whispered, catching his attention and smiling when she saw his eyes brighten.

"Hey, you okay?" he asked concerned that she was in the med bay.

"I'm fine, can we talk?" without hesitation McCoy nodded and ushered her into his office. Once inside he offered her a seat but she declined, the pair stood opposite one another as Clementine readied herself for what she was about to say. "I've come to a decision, regarding your offer." McCoy's jaw tightened and he nodded again mutely. "My answer is no," she said quickly, watching him carefully for his reaction.

"May I ask why?" he wasn't showing any outward signs of emotion, which scared her more than if he'd thrown his desk across his office. Knowing he wasn't the type to shy away from telling anyone and everyone exactly what he thought at any given time his silence was deafening.

"It's not fair…" McCoy cut her off by scoffing but she chose to ignore him. "I fought for my place at the Academy and won, I'm here aren't I?"

"Not for much longer," McCoy sputtered glibly, Clementine felt his words hit her in the chest and she swallowed back the lump forming in her throat.

"I'm not breaking the rules Leonard," she told him quietly.

"Rules that shouldn't be there in the first place?" she shrugged his shoulders at him, it was a conversation she's had in one form or another for her entire adult life and she was tired of it. "An individual has the right, or even perhaps the duty to disobey the law when their mind, their conscience tells them that the law is unjust!" McCoy spoke to her angrily and Clementine just stood quietly and let him, she understood why he was angry. To him she was giving up and McCoy wasn't the type to ever give up. It went against his character, his beliefs.

"Spare me the discourse Leonard," his previous words still stung and she found she spoke with callousness in her tone.

"Damn you Clem!" McCoy angrily bit back.

"When is it justified, then Leonard, for a person to act as their own lawmaker, and decide that they will or will not obey any given law?" she had folded her arms across her chest defensively and McCoy found him mirroring her stance.

"You're making the assumption that defiance to the law can never be justified in any circumstances which just isn't damned well true!" he shot back. "You think every law that exists is a just law?! You're wrong Clem."

"Let's just say that you're right…"she started.

"Which I am," Clementine looked up at him through her lashes, biting her tongue.

"Let's just say that you're right, that if anybody ever has the right to break a law it is because it's their moral right, who decides which laws are unjust? And surely, if it's a moral right it must be done for the greater good and not because it solely affects you! That's selfish, I would be acting selfishly and I'm not going to do it Leonard!" She tried to stop from shouting at him.

"It's selfish that people like you are unjustly discriminated against! It's goddamn ridiculous that people like you are marginalized out of the irrational fears of repeating the Eugenics Wars!" McCoy was certainly shouting and she wondered if they could be heard outside. Placing her fingers on her lips she silently scolded him for shouting and taking the hint, McCoy turned and covered his face with his hands. Taking a few deep breaths he turned back to her expectantly.

"Leonard, do you not think I've already been through all of this? I've been to the Federation Council, the Judiciary Council, I've met with Starfleet's Judge Advocate General Admiral Dok…"

"So you're giving up?" he interrupted and Clementine stifled a sob. McCoy turned his back on her and Clementine wiped the tear away that fell down her cheek quickly.

"Screw you," she spat out at him. "This conversation is over," Clementine began walking towards the door.

"The hell it is!" McCoy shouted after her but she ignored him, leaving him boiling over with anger and frustration.

* * *

Clementine hadn't spoken to McCoy for over a week, since their argument she hadn't wanted to see him. It was all so easy for him, everything was black and white. In some ways she respected him for it, perhaps even envied him but life wasn't that simple. Still on limited active duty she found herself going on a shift and then just going back to her quarters, nothing much else was interesting to her.

McCoy regretted his words, he regretted shouting at her and he wondered whether or not he had been acting as her Doctor or something else? So, he did what he did best and buried his head in the sand.

* * *

Chris Elson took a deep breath as he looked around the med bay in search of McCoy, his hands were squeezed into tight fists and when his eyes fell on the CMO he gritted his teeth.

"Doctor McCoy!" he shouted garnering the attention of a few Nurses as well. He watched as McCoy turned towards him and narrowing his eyes, briskly made his way over.

"Yes?" McCoy ground out.

"You're a sonofabitch you know that?" Chris whispered through gritted teeth.

"I beg your pardon?" Chris ignored McCoy and closed that gap between them.

"You're a Doctor, you're supposed to help people! She's miserable and I'm in no doubt it's because of you!" It took all of McCoy's resolve not to floor the man stood in front of him.

"Get out of my med bay Elson," he told him sternly.

"Or what?" Chris replied.

"I'm not discussing a patient with you Elson, end of story." Chris shook his head as he spoke and laughed bitterly.

"Patient?! That's rich coming from you!" McCoy's eyes narrowed even more and with venom in his voice he asked Chris what he meant. "You know exactly what I mean, she liked you and you took full advantage of that until what? You got bored? Seriously dude, you take her on a date and then you don't speak to her again? I feel sorry for you." McCoy kept his mouth shut, he clearly hadn't come under instruction from Clementine and she clearly hadn't discussed anything about what had actually happened between them. No, Elson was just sticking up for his friend and McCoy had to give him some credit for that, even if the man was basically calling him a bastard.

"Get out of my bay Elson," McCoy repeated. He watched as Chris rolled his eyes and started walking away.

"You wouldn't even deserve her, you know that? She is way better than you!" Chris shouted over to him. "Do everybody a favour and remember that!" As the door closed behind him McCoy stared after him, a part of him agreeing with what Chris had just said.

* * *

"Come in," McCoy looked up from his desk as Clementine walked into his office. He'd missed her and ever since her friend Elson had given him a dressing down he'd fought with himself over whether or not he was right in what he'd said. "I didn't think you'd come?" he found himself saying. Clementine shrugged and sat in the chair opposite him.

"I'd be in breach of protocol if I didn't," she told him rather coldly and then instantly regretted her words. "I'm sorry," she said after a deep breath. "That wasn't fair, in fact I've felt awful since our argument." Giving him a weak smile she was pleasantly surprised when she watched as he started shaking his head and standing, came to sit in the chair opposite him.

"I'm the one who should be apologising, I was out of line!" Clementine was struck at how guilty he looked. She had been wondering whether or not he'd even thought twice about her or the argument they'd had?

"We both were," she said quietly.

"I truly am sorry Clem, not just for that argument but… for not coming to see you after." Clementine took hold of his hand and squeezed it tightly.

"It's alright, your heart was in the right place." McCoy laughed.

"Yeah, and my foot was in my mouth!" McCoy watched as Clementine lost her smile and as she looked into his eyes he knew something was wrong. "What is it?" he asked apprehensively.

"I'm going to hand in my resignation," she told him quietly. McCoy pulled his hand from hers and her heart sank thinking that he was about to explode again but instead she watched wide-eyed as he took hold of her hand in his and squeezed back.

"Oh Clem," he started but she plastered on a smile and stopped him from continuing on.

"It's for the best, I've come to the end of the road and I don't want to remember it like this. You'll never be able to put me back on full active duty and I know sooner rather than later you will have to medically discharge me. I don't want you to have to go through that Leonard, this way it's on my terms." McCoy's heart broke at her words.

"You don't have to worry about me," he told her sincerely.

"You've done so much for me Leonard, there's no way I'm making you push the button on this. I know you, you'll sulk!" McCoy laughed sadly at her words. "I wish we could have had that drink," she told him. Both of them stared at one another silently, lost in their own thoughts. Clementine leant forwards and wrapped her arms round McCoy's neck and McCoy instinctively pulled her up with him so that he could embrace her fully. Neither had anything to lose. As Clementine closed her eyes and rested her head against his chest McCoy kissed the top her head. Neither one of them spoke, not wanting the moment to end.

"What are you going to do?" he asked into her hair.

"I don't know," she answered as she looked up at him. "But you know me, I'll think of something!" McCoy grinned at her and then lowering his neck placed the softest of kisses on her lips.

"Elson told me he came to see you," Clementine told him after they'd pulled apart with a grin.

"Did he?" McCoy said grinning back.

"Yeah, glad to see you heeded his word!" laughing the pair of them sat back down.

"Yeah well, I've never been good at taking orders. Just ask the Captain!" both of them seemed to realise in the same moment that them sat there and joking was probably never going to happen again. "A lot of people on this ship are going to miss you," he told her. Losing their smiles a melancholy fell over them both. "I'm going to miss you Clementine Kelly," he told her ardently.

"And I'm going to miss you Leonard McCoy," she knew there was no point saying anything about the future. The idea of saying they'd find their way together in another life seemed absurd. She was far too cynical and pragmatic to think that one day they would find themselves together again and like a scene from a movie they'd ride off into the sunset and live happily ever after. They hadn't even managed to have one drink together!

* * *

"They're going to put the deck on lockdown! What do we do?" Chris Elson shouted as he tapped away furiously at his console. Looking around the room Clementine could tell that the rest of the team were beginning to panic, turning to her console she began to work through the data filling her screen. The ship had been attacked and heavily damaged, looking at the schematics of the ship and where the fractures were emerging Clementine knew that the whole starboard side could go at any minute.

"Chris!" she shouted over to him.

"Yeah?" he said looking at her concerned.

"Get everybody out of here," she told him quietly.

"What?!" Clementine stood and quickly made her way over to him, lowering herself so that she was whispering in his ear she held on to his shoulder and squeezed it hard.

"This whole deck is going to get ripped out, get everybody out you hear?!" Chris turned to look at her and nodded silently. Pushing his chair out he tapped Adam and Olakunle on the shoulder and told them to follow him. Clementine went back to her console and proceeded to analyse the new data that was coming in, she could see from the projections that a large part of Engineering was becoming structurally unsound as well.

"Kelly!" Looking up she was relieved to see that most of the Officers were already making their way to other decks through the Jeffries tubes and only a few remained.

"You coming?!" Chris asked.

"Yeah, yeah I'm coming I just need to…" turning back to her screen she became distracted once more.

"Kelly!" Chris shouted again.

"Go Chris, I'm right behind you! Go!" Giving him a stern look she waited until he'd reluctantly disappeared into one of the tubes himself before opening a comm to Engineering. "Commander, evacuate deck sixteen through nineteen, you're losing structural integrity."

"Who is this?"

"Never mind who this is! Just do it!" Closing the comm Clementine started sending data to the bridge, they were obviously distracted or not seeing what she was seeing. Just as she sent the last data file the facia and wall opposite her ripped from its seams and blew a hole in the side of the ship. Clementine held on for dear life as everything not bolted down was sucked from the room. "COMPUTER!" she shouted as everything around her blew and crashed into her. "INITIATE FORCE FIELD!" Falling to the floor as the force field spread across the open crack Clementine felt all the air in her lungs being knocked out of her. Scrambling towards the Jeffries tube she began climbing the ladder towards Engineering, she couldn't take the chance that they'd ignored her.

"Report Mister Spock," kirk instructed form the Captain's chair on the bridge.

"Structural integrity is dangerously low on decks sixteen through nineteen Captain," Spock told Kirk briskly.

"Evacuate those decks Mister Spock," Kirk replied as he focussed on the view screen in front of him.

"Captain, Analytics has already evacuated, Lieutenant Kelly has sent multiple projection reports to the bridge." Kirk looked at Lieutenant Shintaku who stood to his left.

"Send those reports to Commander Spock Lieutenant, now." Kirk instructed.

"Aye Captain," Kirk made his way over to Spock's station and watched as the Vulcan looked over the data.

"The projections are correct Captain," Spock told Kirk who nodded mutely and then proceeded to shout out a cornucopia of orders to his crew.

* * *

Clementine had reached Engineering just as the order had come through from the bridge to evacuate, most of the crew had already gone, her command a few minutes earlier unexpectedly been followed. Looking around she saw an abandoned console and ran to it, wanting to check the latest stats. Tapping away furiously her face drained of all colour.

"GET OUT NOW!" she screamed to the remaining crew. Running towards them she grabbed hold of the collar of one of the Crewman and pushed him through the closing bay door, as the sirens wailed and the door was about to close an explosion erupted and propelled Clementine through the air and against the door leaving her in a crumpled and scorched heap on the floor.

"Grab her arm!" one of the Officers she'd just pushed through shouted. Two men grabbed her quickly and pulled her into the corridor just as the door sealed shut. "Jesus!" the man whispered as he looked down at her. "Come on, we need to get her to medical." Picking her up the two men ran from the deck hoping the woman who had just saved their lives was alive herself.


	6. Chapter 6

Somebody clearing their throat over and over again pulled Clementine from a deep and heavy sleep. Creasing her brow in frustration she then heard a stifled laugh and immediately knew who it was. Without opening her eyes she turned her head and grumbled.

"You're waking me up why?" she asked remembering enough of what had happened and working out that she was in the med bay not to be alarmed that McCoy was stood next to her as she slept. She heard him chuckle and then felt his fingers check her pulse on her wrist gently.

"Because you've slept long enough, you're cluttering up my med bay." Clementine opened her eyes and looked up at him, for a fleeting second she saw absolute relief and concern in his eyes and then it disappeared as he went into 'Doctor' mode. "What were you thinking Lieutenant?" he asked her as she rubbed the sleep from her eyes and pulled herself up.

"You're going to have to be more specific," she told him as she looked around the bay and saw that all the beds were full. She wondered how many they'd lost.

"Evacuating four decks, scurrying off to a priority one area and proceeding to…" Clementine looked at him incredulously.

"A priority one area?!" she repeated, anger clearly evident in her tone. "Are you kidding me?! They wouldn't have made it!" she replied.

"That wasn't your call to make!" McCoy answered back, his concern for her coming across as anger.

"I was right wasn't I?" she answered indignantly.

"Are you out of your goddamn mind?!" McCoy hissed. "You nearly died!" Clementine stared at him distraught.

"They would have if I hadn't of done what I did!" she told him as she tried to temper her emotions. "They wouldn't have stood a chance, it made sense and I don't regret it, not for one second. Even if it means I get thrown off this ship! Because for the first time in my life I felt alive, and not scared of panicking Leonard! I was calm, I was calm through the entire thing." Clementine laughed sadly. "If that's the last thing I do in Starfleet, well, I can think of worst ways to go can't you?" she looked at him expectantly and watched as McCoy took hold of her hand tenderly. "Thank you," she whispered after a moment. McCoy looked to the PADD in his hand and then back to Clementine. "What is it?" she asked, suddenly concerned. McCoy held the PADD behind his back and gave her a small smile.

"It's nothing, get some rest Clem." Nodding Clementine lay back down as she watched McCoy walk away and then spin on his heel and turn back to her. "Did you do it? Hand in your resignation?" he asked quietly and Clementine shook her head no. "Do me a favour Clem, hold off alright?" he asked her.

"Leonard? I don't understand…" she started.

"Just, trust me okay. Wait, for a little while." She could tell there was something he wasn't telling her but for the life of her she couldn't work out what it was. Agreeing that she would wait she was stunned when he leant over and kissed her forehead quickly before sprinting away.

* * *

In the subsequent days and weeks that followed the attack on the Enterprise and while they were docked at outstation sixteen for repairs Clementine found herself writing reports, being interviewed by various people and panels and being hugged by those that she'd evacuated. It was all strangely bittersweet, her entire career she'd longed to be part of the action and for just that one moment she had been. The fact that her resignation letter had been sitting on her desk in her quarters had given her a peculiar sense of abandon, an alchemy of not caring and knowing she could genuinely make a difference had allowed her to act. She didn't regret a moment of it. She'd breached multiple protocols and in all intense and purposes gone against every rule in Starfleet but after one particularly bad session with Commander Spock Kirk had pulled her to one side and congratulated her. He thanked her for her actions and conveyed his sadness that she was leaving but knowing that McCoy would have to medically discharge her anyway he completely understood why she was doing what she was doing. It had meant a lot to her, the world in fact.

Sitting and sipping her drink Clementine was lost in her own world, staring out the window at the mass of shuttles and repair vehicles outside getting the Enterprise back up and running she smiled to herself.

"Penny for your thoughts?" turning she looked up at McCoy.

"I was thinking about home," she told him as he sat down opposite her. He hadn't asked if he could and she knew she wouldn't have refused him if he had.

"Where is home?" McCoy asked.

"You know, I don't actually know anymore!" Looking to him she gave him a relaxed smile and McCoy couldn't help but close his eyes and dip his head conflicted. Clementine noticed his apparent displeasure and leant forwards, trying to get a read on him.

"What's wrong Leonard?" she asked him.

"You're damned infuriating you know that?" he said and he could tell she had no idea what he was talking about. "You always seem to know what I'm thinking," he explained and Clementine smirked.

"It's not that hard," she said kindly. "You're still acting weird around me though."

"No I'm not!" he barked back.

"You are Leonard," she didn't say anything more but just gave him a wink.

"Ah damnit!" rubbing his hands over his face he contemplated telling her the truth but when he felt her hand squeeze his he found himself lost for words.

"Does this count as us having a drink together?" she asked him and he was more glad than ever before of someone changing the subject.

"I guess it does," he grinned as he raised his glass. "What should we toast to?" he asked her.

"To taking risks," Clementine replied and McCoy scoffed. "There you go again, acting weird."

"No, no. It's just, well you hit the nail on the head Clem." Tapping his glass to hers he watched as she gave him an almighty smile and wondered if that would be the last time he ever saw it.

* * *

It was only after she'd finished her shift and returned to her quarters the day after her drink with McCoy that she realised she hadn't had a panic attack for quite some time and given the fact that she'd been going through a pretty stressful time well, alarm bells started ringing. Her hair was still damp and leaving it down and pulling on her civvies Clementine made her way to the medical bay, it was late and she wondered if he was even there. Stepping through the main doorway she spotted him immediately and when he turned and she caught his eye she watched as his face straightened and turned dark with emotion. Hers must have looked the same because as they both silently walked towards his office Clementine struggled to keep her emotions at bay. Once inside neither one of them took a seat, they just stood in front of one another hoping the other would start speaking first.

"You did it didn't you?" she whispered. He could see the tears threatening to spill as she spoke but she was looking at him defiantly, clearly trying not to show him how hurt she was.

"Yes," he answered quietly and as Clementine closed her eyes in response and a single tear fell down her cheek McCoy unconsciously brought his hand up and wiped it away, his hand grazing her cheek softly.

"When I was here? When I'd been injured?" she asked and he nodded mutely.

"Does anybody know?" Clementine watched his eyes dance, they were like a stormy sea ready to pull her under.

"No!" he answered angrily.

"Don't do that!" she chided him. "You don't get to be the angry one here!" she told him through gritted teeth. McCoy took a slow deep breath and calmed himself.

"You're right, I'm sorry Clem…"

"Who the hell do you think you are?!" she ground out. She stared him down, not giving him the easy way out of not having to look her in the eyes when he explained his actions to her.

"You'd sustained major injuries Clem, I struggled to keep you… I did what I thought was best?"

"What you thought was best?" she repeated sadly.

"Damnit I'm a Doctor!" he'd unconsciously grabbed her arms as he spoke and Clementine slowly pulled away from him. "You haven't had an attack since have you?" he asked her aggressively. "Have you?!" he shouted.

"No!" she shouted back at him, the tears freely falling now down her reddened cheeks.

"A simple fix, a simple fix that changes your entire life! I don't regret it Clem! Damnit I don't regret doing it, even if you never speak to me again." Clementine took a step back and shrugged her shoulders.

"Then I guess this won't be hard for you," she told him glibly as she made her way to the door.

"What does that mean? Clem," he asked grabbing her arm and stopping her from leaving. "What does that mean?" he asked her again.

"You think I'm not going to hand in my resignation now? Everything's fixed as far as your concerned isn't it?" Laughing sadly Clementine creased her brow at him. "How do I explain this Leonard? A miracle? How do you explain it? What happens if someone starts digging, it won't take long to work out your involvement."

"Don't do anything hastily Clem please, I'm asking you, just wait."

"You went against my wishes Leonard, you crossed the line. I could have you arrested! Did you ever think about that?!" McCoy shook his head.

"You wouldn't do that, I knew you wouldn't do that." He answered and Clementine scoffed bitterly.

"You did didn't you?! You knew I wouldn't tell anybody because what? I care about you? I thought you cared about me? And what do you do, betray that trust to have your way! Well I don't trust you now Leonard, not as far as I could throw you!" Storming from his office Clementine barely held it together until she'd got back to her quarters. Falling on her bed she cried until she didn't have a tear left to shed.

* * *

The medication was clearly working, for the first time in Clementine's life she wasn't worried about suddenly feeling like she couldn't breathe, her chest constricting and her passing out. She'd had a full night's sleep for four weeks, she hadn't had to excuse herself from any meetings or social events. It felt liberating but it was also strangely daunting, she figured that over the years there was probably a whole handful of social situations that she had not had to deal with because she'd always find herself having to leave them or avoiding them altogether.

Chris and some of the others from her team had noticed, commenting that she appeared calmer. She had smiled and nodded along not wanting anybody to suspect anything. Her commanding officer had called her and explained that due to recent events and the fact that she hadn't been to medical for some time conversations were being had around her remaining in Starfleet in some capacity and perhaps even being promoted. She'd sat opposite him and gawped, he would have known about the possible medical discharge but not of her resignation letter which still sat on her desk. She was a hypocrite, for all of her grandstanding and protestations in front of Leonard there was a reason she hadn't given in her resignation letter. She didn't want to leave, she wanted more and now she had the chance. She was so confused about how she felt towards McCoy that she'd avoided him ever since their last conversation. She needed to work out how she felt about herself before all that, who was she without 'all that' weighing her down? Had she used it as an excuse? How much of an impact had it had on her life, she felt like she was about to find out.

"Have you spoken to Doctor McCoy?" she asked tentatively.

"Yes, he was obviously consulted around your current limitations of working in priority one areas of the ship." Clementine nodded mutely in response. She couldn't take it all in. "His report stated that you have done remarkably well in controlling your condition and it has all but abated," he added. "So, obviously there are a shed load of caveats but is this something you would be interested in Lieutenant Kelly?" Clementine stared at him, lost for words she shrugged her shoulders. "Is that a no?" he asked confused.

"No! It's not a no Sir, I just, I never thought I'd get this opportunity." She said quietly.

"Well Kelly, it looks like you do now so think about it and quickly, things move fast around here. You're capable, there's no doubt about that. Bridge crew have it pretty good you know?!" Clementine took a sharp intake of breath at his words.

"Bridge crew?" she repeated unbelieving.

"You didn't hear that from me Lieutenant, just thought you'd want to know what you'd be saying no to."

* * *

"Stop meddling in my life Leonard! I'm not your pet project!" Clementine stood with her hands firmly set on her hips staring at a gobsmacked McCoy in his office. She hadn't even knocked!

"Now wait just a damned minute!" McCoy was on his feet and narrowing his eyes angrily at Clementine.

"Don't you think you've done enough?! Do you want to start deciding what I eat? What I wear? Hey, whilst you're at it can you…"

"Clem!" McCoy interrupted. "I don't know what you're talking about?!" Clementine scoffed and rolled her eyes.

"Yeah right," she dismissed him casually.

"Enough!" McCoy shouted. "Need I remind you you're speaking to a superior officer?" Clementine mouth gaped open and even McCoy blanched at his own words.

"Yeah, you're right." She answered slowly. "My apologies, Commander McCoy." McCoy knew he'd just made a huge mistake, the way she was looking at him, there was a coldness in her eyes he'd never seen before. As she took a step towards the door McCoy called after her.

"I don't know what you think I've done Clem but you're wrong. Dead wrong." Clementine looked up at him sadly.

"I don't know what to think right now?" she admitted to him quietly and McCoy's edges suddenly softened. Walking around his desk and coming to stand in front of her he took her hand carefully and squeezed tenderly.

"I'm sorry Clem," he whispered and watched as her resolve broke. Dipping her head the tears were falling before she knew it. Pulling her in Clementine buried her head into his chest and let out a slow deep breath.

"Me too," she told him sincerely.

"You have every opportunity available to you now Clem, take it! Damnit you deserve it!" Pulling her back and cupping her cheeks he looked down at her intensely. "Life's too short for regrets," he told her and Clementine found herself getting lost in his dark eyes. They both found themselves at a crossing and when the silence became too much for them both and McCoy started to inch towards Clem the sound of his comm badge ringing out broke through the silence at a deafening pitch. "What?" McCoy growled and it gave Clementine enough time to pull away. As McCoy listened to the incoming message he silently waved at Clementine to stay but shaking her head he watched as she gave him a small smile and left.

"Doctor?" the voice rang out and McCoy realised he hadn't heard a word of the message.

"What? Damnit, yeah, I'll be there in a minute!" Tapping his communicator he looked at his closed door not really knowing what would happen next.


	7. Chapter 7

Clementine bounced into analytics with a huge beaming smile on her face, slapping Elson on the back she gave him a wink as she sat at her station.

"You going to Adam and Jennifer's engagement party?" Chris nodded and then creased his brow in confusion.

"Are you?" he asked wearily.

"Yeah, why wouldn't I?" Clementine replied tersely and Chris held his hands up in surrender.

"No reason!" he replied noticing that for the first time ever Clementine was wearing her hair down.

"I'm fine Chris, I'm coping well. I haven't had an attack for months now." She told him.

"I know! It's great Kelly, it's great. I just don't want you…" Clementine grinned at him.

"What?" she asked.

"Well, it's just you've been pretty… uninhibited recently."

"You've got nothing to worry about Chris, I've got this." Chris watched as his friend patted him on the shoulder and went back to her station, something wasn't right.

* * *

Clementine was having the best time of her life, she was dancing and laughing with her friends. She felt alive and drunk and ready for anything. The liberation she felt was intoxicating, more so than the drinks she'd had and more and more she couldn't hate McCoy for what he'd done for her.

"Kelly!" Olakunle shouted her over and seeing that he was stood with Elson, Adam and Jennifer Clementine downed her drink and made her way over.

"Yeah?" she shouted over the music.

"You having fun?!" he asked with a smirk on his face.

"Of course, great party guys!" she said to Adam and Jennifer. "Congratulations!"

"Thanks Kelly," Adam replied as Jennifer watched the pair closely.

"I'm going to go get another drink, anybody want anything?" she asked the group.

"Don't you think you've had enough?" Jennifer replied and Clementine scoffed with surprise.

"Excuse me?" she said to the other woman a little taken aback.

"I said don't you think you've had enough? We don't want you to start panicking…" Jennifer looked to the others for support but was met with a mix of anger and shock.

"Jennifer!" Adam ground out.

"It's alright," Clementine smiled tightly.

"I'm sorry Clem," Adam apologised.

"Why are you apologising?!" Jennifer asked angrily.

"Hey guys! It's fine. You're right Jennifer, thanks for the heads up." Smiling at the group Clementine started to back away all the while Elson and Olakunle watching her carefully.

"The better woman won Kelly!" Jennifer shouted after her and when Clementine responded by giving her a wink and salute before turning away Elson didn't have a chance stopping Jennifer stepping forward, tugging at Clementine's shoulder and sucker punching her in the nose. All hell broke loose as people tried to hold others back, insults were traded and security turned up.

"Kelly are you okay?!" Chris asked as Clementine held onto her nose to try and stem the bleeding.

"Yeah, I'm alright." She replied looking up to the ceiling through tear filled eyes.

"Come on, I'll take you to medical." Chris began to pull her up but stood back when she shirked him off.

"No!" Clementine replied. "No, Chris," she repeated a moment later. "I'm alright really, I'm just going to go back to my quarters alright." Chris looked at her sceptically.

"You sure, I think security will want to speak to? Look, Jennifer just…"

"Chris," Clementine interrupted him. "I'm fine," giving him a smile and tightening her high ponytail Clementine left. Chris turned on his heel and approached Jennifer angrily.

"What's your problem?!" he shouted at her.

"Hey pal! Enough!" Adam interjected, putting himself between the pair.

"Back off Sailing, this has nothing to do with you!" Chris threw his way as he stared down Jennifer who was looking at him coolly.

"She's a liability! Making everyone fawn all over her because she's…"

"That's enough!" Chris shouted. "You're just jealous, get over it. And she's not a liability, she never was!" Chris walked away leaving Jennifer seething behind him.

* * *

Walking into her quarters she let out a long, exasperated sigh.

"What a mess!" she mumbled as she went to her bathroom and looked at herself in the mirror. Her face was covered in blood and the skin under her eyes was already turning a horrible blue and purple colour. Wincing as she tentatively prodded at her nose Clementine didn't hear the door to her quarters opening.

"What the hell Clem?!" McCoy shouted at her from the doorway of her bathroom. Clementine jumped and screamed in surprise.

"Leonard!" she shouted. "What are you doing?" Clementine looked at him in disbelief but McCoy ignored her, taking hold of her head with his hands he starting looking at her nose. Clementine was still baffled at what was going on but when she tried to pull her head from his grasp McCoy just held on tighter.

"Quit fidgeting Clem, you have a broken nose goddamnit!" Clementine stopped struggling and let him do what he wanted. As she watched him treat her nose McCoy's gaze flickered to hers. "Why didn't you come to medical?" he asked quietly as she continued to stare at him.

"You were there," she answered plainly. McCoy stopped for a second and then swallowed hard, shaking his head he continued to mend her nose, their close proximity to one another distracting.

"And you didn't want to see me?" he asked.

"No," picking up a cloth and running it under the water McCoy began to gently wipe the dried blood away from her cheeks and nose. He could smell the alcohol on her breath.

"How much have you had to drink?" he asked her.

"Not enough," she whispered. McCoy took a step back, knowing that the situation was becoming fraught.

"Clem…" he started but Clementine throwing herself against him and crashing her lips into his stopped him from continuing on.

* * *

"How's the nose?" Chris asked the next day as the pair of them sat on shift.

"Fine," Clementine answered rather abruptly, not looking up from her station or stopping what she was doing on her PADD. Chris knew not to push it any further but knew he needed to pull her to one side and have a proper conversation with her. It hadn't been her fault what had happened last night but Chris knew how Clementine Kelly's mind worked. She'd feel responsible, she'd feel bad that somebody else got into trouble and she'd feel bad that other people got dragged into it. But Chris also wondered if that was actually the problem? Clementine Kelly had changed and he couldn't quite put his finger on how?

* * *

Clementine sat in her quarters and stared at the PADD in her hand, two offers. She's been given two offers of employment. Both beyond her wildest dreams. Tapping her comm badge she waited for a reply.

"Elson here," Clementine tried not to grin.

"You busy?" she asked.

"For you, never. Give me five minutes." Hearing the comm close out Clementine sat and span on her stool not quite believing the future that lay in front of her.

* * *

"So?" Elson looked at her expectantly, noticing that although she was smiling her eyes were darker than usual. As if she hadn't been sleeping and he'd never know Clementine Kelly not be able to sleep.

"I've been offered a new role, two in fact." She started excitedly. Chris could see how excited she was and began to grin himself.

"You gonna tell me or do I have to guess?" he asked sarcastically.

"Bridge crew, here on the Enterprise." She told him bursting with pride.

"No way!" Chris replied instinctively, waving his hand between them dismissively and laughing.

"Way," Clementine said quietly. "The other is at HQ, analytics still but…" Chris couldn't believe his ears. He'd known Clementine for so long, knew what she'd been through and the amount of times she had been told no. He could see it written all over her face, she was overjoyed.

"Wow Kelly, congrats!" pulling her into a big bear hug Clementine hugged him back. "I don't know what's happened to you recently but you're like a new woman! Saving lives, getting job offers, what the hell did you do?" Clementine continued to smile at him, unsure as to what to say.

"I guess I've just got luck on my side," she replied as she fidgeted with her hands. Chris looked at her knowingly.

"You're not going to tell me are you," he said and Clementine blanched.

"Tell you what?" however much she tried to sound flippant she knew she definitely didn't!

"I'm happy for you Kelly, I really am but we've been friends a long time so when you're not willing to tell me what's going on I get the feeling the answer won't be good." Clementine swallowed the lump in her throat.

"You don't need to worry Chris," she whispered suddenly feeling emotional. "I… nothing bad…" she really didn't know what to say and Chris holding his hand up telling her to stop talking ripped at her heart.

"Don't Kelly, I don't want you getting yourself into trouble, or anybody else for that matter." Chris made his way to the door as Clementine thought about his words, 'anybody else'. If anybody ever found out about what McCoy had done he'd lose everything. "Just be careful alright, other people aren't as easy going as I am."

"What do you mean?" Clementine asked him fearfully.

"I won't be the only one who has noticed that you no longer have panic attacks, you can explain it away with whatever but we both know it's not that simple don't we?" Clementine stared at him stunned. "What exactly happened? He's just faking medical records for you or…?" The look of realisation flooded over Chris' face and in that moment Clementine realised that the lies had continued. For her to even be offered the two roles McCoy would have had to sign off on it. She felt sick. "I can't believe you actually went through with it?!" Chris continued. "I mean I get that he'd be happy to play god but I always thought you'd promised yourself you would never…"

"I didn't know Chris!" Clementine blurted out.

"What do you mean, you didn't know?" Chris asked confused.

"I mean… I didn't consent to it." Clementine looked at Chris guiltily who visibly turned angry in front of her. "It happened when I was injured."

"Are you serious?! Kelly that's out of line! We have to tell somebody!" Clementine started shaking her head as Chris paced back and forth.

"We don't," she replied quietly. "I'm happy he did it." Tears started to fall down her cheeks.

"What?" Chris looked at her appalled.

"I don't regret that he did it Chris, you have no idea what it's been like for me…"

"Don't! Don't you dare say I don't know how it's been for you! You seem to forget I've been picking you up since the Academy!" His words were tinged with such venom that Clementine physically recoiled. "Congratulations Kelly, I'm really happy for you." Leaving and letting the door close behind him Clementine stared at the wall, her newfound future quickly disappearing in front of her.

* * *

**Two Weeks Later**

They hadn't spoken a word to one another and still hadn't since McCoy had sat down opposite her in the rec room without asking. Each wasn't willing to start the conversation they needed to have, or at the very least neither of them wanted to. Clementine watched McCoy watch her. McCoy thought she looked tired.

"You're really not going to say anything are you?" she finally said.

"I figured you'd have more to say on the matter," McCoy replied.

"You did? Why's that?" McCoy downed his drink and watched her carefully. Ever since they'd kissed in her quarters and she'd abruptly pulled away, apologised profusely and told him to leave he couldn't think of anything else.

"You made the last move?" Clementine smirked when he shrugged his shoulders, however much she tried she couldn't help but find him attractive. She was drawn to his fretfulness, ironically after everything she'd been through she found his underlying panic intoxicating.

"I guess I did didn't I?" she replied calmly. "And then abruptly kicked you out!" she laughed and when McCoy raised his glass to her she knew there wasn't any hard feelings. "Kind of regret doing that now," she said quietly and it took a minute for McCoy to catch on.

"I'm not going to argue with you," McCoy rasped out. "On that particular point," raising his eyebrows Clementine unfolded her legs at the ankle and pulled one up under herself, tightening her ponytail she looked at McCoy who was watching her carefully.

"Well," Clementine slapped her knee as she leant forwards. "We might as well go for broke!" raising her brows at him, downing her drink and looking at him expectantly Clementine had never seen someone move as fast.

* * *

"I'm going to leave," she said as she turned to look at McCoy who was already on his side and trailing his fingers up and down her side.

"You don't have to, I'm on shift soon and…"

"No Leonard," Clementine interrupted him. "I mean I'm going to leave the Enterprise." With their eyes so close together Clementine could see his visibly darken at her words. She watched as his whole body stiffened and then waited for his reply.

"Why?" his voice was tight and full of anger.

"I've been offered a job, at HQ. I think it would be a good fit…"

"Clem," McCoy pulled himself up and looked down at her.

"It's really interesting actually and I think it would be best…"

"Clem! Stop!" Clementine stopped talking and looked up at him. "Why you doing this?" he asked quietly. Clementine laughed nervously and shook her head.

"Leonard, this is a great opportunity. It's what I want to do." Feeling herself become angry she pulled the sheet from her legs and sat on the end of the bed.

"What about here?" his question was simple but she knew what he meant, what about them? Turning and peering over her shoulder at him she smiled sadly.

"Why do you think I'm telling you now," she said. McCoy thought he understood, he didn't like it but he understood. Clean slate, new beginnings and all that, he knew better than most how important it was. Leaning towards her he gave her a long kiss but pulled back when he felt it wasn't reciprocated.

"I'll miss you," he told her searching her eyes for any clue of what she was feeling.

Saying nothing she stood and walked towards the bathroom.

* * *

**Three Weeks Later – U.S.S. Enterprise currently stationed at Outstation Seven**

_**Message from Clementine Kelly to Chris Elson: I can't say good bye to you in person because it'll break my heart and I don't think I could go through with this if I had to see your face. You've been the best friend anybody could ever wish for and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for everything you've done for me. Me staying here will cause too much trouble to too many people who didn't ask for it. This is my choice Chris, I'm happy. Perhaps happier than I ever have been in my entire life. Stay safe, CK.**_

* * *

McCoy saw Chris Elson sail in to the med bay, making a beeline for him he didn't have a chance to dodge the right hook Chris sent his way. Knocked to the floor, his nose busted and his eyes full of tears McCoy looked up at Elson but said nothing.

"You did this!" Chris spat out at him before leaving. McCoy had to admit, he deserved it. Later when he was in his office he found himself accessing the Starfleet personnel files for HQ, searching for her name his brow creased in confusion when it didn't appear.

"Computer, locate Kelly, Clementine, personnel number six victor five eight tango." McCoy watched the screen and when the result appeared his heart sank.

RETIRED.

Opening the file he saw that the majority of it was redacted.

"What the hell?" whizzing through the different screens and sections he saw that her entire medical history was gone. His notes, as well as any other Doctor's had disappeared. McCoy sat and stared at the wall opposite him. Finally pulling the bottle from his drawer and the upturned cup he kept beside it his attention was drawn to the small note that fell out.

_**I'm not breaking the rules Leonard. Don't try and find me. CK**_

Letting the note fall from his fingers McCoy threw his head into his hands.

"What have I done?"


End file.
